Silly.

Mmm, sometimes I think it's my own neruosis that stops me from getting what I want.

I need a more positive attitude and it's something I'm working on constantly.  

It's too easy to slip into old habits.  I'm finding more and more reasons to want to retreat back into who i was, even though that was such a short time ago--haha, measure it in weeks really.  The girls at my work don't help--"she's ugly", "she's fat," "she's so fat she could eat kim!"

Yea.  Not cool guys.  The pity comments I get about my hair and shit aren't cool either.  I like my hair.  It's fucked up and I love it.  I don't like the constant touching and the constant downplaying I get but I play along because it's easier that way.  That's my own fault, but whatever.  It's easier and I don't need work drama to add to life drama.  They like me so far and I'd rather not turn them against me.

Story of my life really.

But that's okay.  I deal.  I just need some more "me" friends.  You know.  Those who really understand me and my interests.  Whatever.  They're in high school.  Upper high school and I respect that most high school kids are smart and there are some that are different and whatnot.  But this year and a half out of high school away from home has made me grow up so much.  I feel so much older and so much more experienced than them and they're only  year apart.  It makes a big difference when you're this age I think.

Meh.  I don't know.  I need to take a shower and go to sleep.  I wanted to go back to work and catch up on all the drama and cash my check but I'm burnt.  Still sick.  It interrupts my wants.  Silly.

Eh, define my life.