I haven't smoked since September, guh. Stress, you kill me. OoOoOh well, can't afford them anyway. And I only like fiber glass and fiber glass is much more expensive than regular cancer, so wtfever.
I'm eightthousand words into something I better damn well finish. Or so help me I will smite all your children and put the motherfucking fear of Crowley into them.
....I finally started reading Good Omens, can you tell? XD
I'm at this point where it's do or die and I think it's not going to be the first.
I'm exhausted, inspired, and deathly afraid. I have nowhere else to go and I keep getting fucked over. Or I keep fucking up. Damn, do I keep fucking up. I want it simpler. I want to breathe again but it's all just hitching in my chest and I had the most amazing, perfect, beautiful weekend in the world and now I can't even breathe.
I don't know what else to do. I really don't.
Entry about this weekend coming up as soon as I finish writing it and sticking in the pictures. I wish i could get paid for this shit. I'm trying to figure out what else I could get paid for. Or sell. Not my PS2. Do I have anything else of value? Perhaps. Idk. I wish I was amazing enough to write or make anything to sell.
I wish a lot of things, don't I? Fuck. I'm so fucking tired.
So I'm getting 300 bucks back in May. Instead of being smart, I want to get another tattoo. Or at least start on the chestpiece I want. Or. Well. I should wait. I really really really really should. But I won't. This I know. I need to accept that. So in the beauty of acceptance, I need to start planning so I can look at the thing for awhile, get my head around it, and make sure the placement is what I want. I could get the wolf on my other shoulder and bring the total up to five. I could start on the backpeice (which will wipe me out completely of all that extra money...). I could get the dragon. I could get a wrist tat since I want one and have decided that wearing bracelets is something a woman should be adept at anyway so I might as well fucking get used to it.
Now I like words, and I like simple words and I like simple word tattoos. My sister has one and I adore hers. So. Love? Faith? Redemption? Strength? Courage? Friendship? Reliability? Knowledge? (I really hope no one knows where the hell I'm pulling all these words from.... oooooh fandom). I'm leaning toward love. Or strength. Or courage. Something you know, empowering. Maybe a saying. A small one, but I'm out of ideas for that. Idk. I want a new tattoo. It's been three months. Fever. Setting. In. I guess I could up my ears to a zero. Maybe that would satiate me.
I had machiato with three espresso shots. Where the fuck is my energy?
I figure I have twenty minutes until I really have to fucking get cracking on this stupid annotated bibliography. I loathe extended deadlines. The project isn't due until the beginning of May. WHY do I have to have all my resources now? Goddamnit teacher, let me flail around the night before like I usually do. I haven't slept in more than twenty four hours, I have three more classes to slug through, and six hours of work. This. is. your. fault.
I have a couple rants I might post later, depending on how sleep deprived I feel and how incoherent I get-- I tend to like to post things when I'm incoherent, because it's hilarious at the time and then I go back and am like... fucking. fuck. They deal with immigration (always a FUN FILLED TOPIC WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FLOODED STATE OF ARIZONA) and people outside of fandom not understanding.... fandom. More specifically, fanfiction. Both arguments will probably be backed up with little evidence and more run on sentences than a James Joyce book but oh well. ARGUMENTS ARE GOOD FOR THE SOUL.
And I apologize again for the eating up of the flist. I'm a bad panda.
: CIS- discussion posts, quiz. Start Powerpoint (do not want to get up at six in the morning like I did to finish Access.)
:HIS- Quiz. Annotated bibliography due. Midnight on Thursday. I am fucked. Read Filagree. Start Powerpoint.
:EDU- Start extra credit. Do late assignments (many). Turn in service learning paperwork. Start learning plan. Finish porfolio. Quiz before leaving Friday. Start group assignment. Give a damn about any of this. Kill teacher.
:Deposit check. Pay insurance.
:Pay cell phone bill? *wince* Maybe.
:Library-fine. Spanish shit.
:Turn in paperwork for summer school- ENG 102 (why the fuck do I have to take this class again?) and CRI -whatever the hell I place into.
:Placement test for CRI.
:Clean before leaving Friday.
:Save the universe. :)
This is here so I can update it and because I lurk on lj more than I lurk anywhere else and if this is here I'll see it. Hopefully. XD
I won a gas card at work! :D It's only 25 dollars but that's gas for like a freakin week. Rock on TB, rock on.
Where the hell do I find dried apples? I only find dried apricots or dried freaking anything else, but not dried apples and I have to get the mixed boxes. It's sad. I ate a lot today, but it's the first time in awhile that that's happened. My appetite comes and goes and most of the time it's gone and if it's here all I want is sweet stuff (baaaad). It's been more than a month that I've been a vegetarian and it's... not so hard now. Sometimes I want chicken or a nice huge hamburger but eh. There are other alternatives. :) Most of the time I think I'm stuffing my face, and then I remember that I haven't eaten all day. My sleeping/work/school pattern doesn't help because the days I don't work, I don't go to bed til 4 or 5, sleep until 12 or 2, then go straight back to work. Then it's sleep at 4 or 5, wake up at 11, go to school at 12, from 12-5, and then for some reason I'm usually not hungry. O.o But in any case, I suppose that it's good.
Annnd tomorrow is my first day with the high school seniors. O.o Imma take a shower right now so my hair is sprightly and I can fix it up tomorrow. So I can appear to have some class you know. Wear my PTV shirt, my MCR jacket, my wristbands, my properly faded jeans, and my hot pink and black Etnies. Pure class. That's right!
I'm probably going to be making an icon dump on here sooner or later. I've got about thirty of them. O.o
Money is stressful and this gas card is helpful. I'm getting extremely apathetic again. Which sucks. I hate not caring but I just.. don't? Lovely, really. >.< In any case, I get to sleep with Axel tonight. OMGYAY.
Right, so I'm not going to be able to barely squeak by. Which means I'm going to abduct the money that's left in my account before T Mobile gets to it and then pay the overdraft fee. *wince* At least I'll have money for the next few days. I'd get direct deposit, because that would mean I'd be getting my money today and not on Tuesday, but I'm not always sure when I have money in my account and if that got put into my account when there wasn't any, well, then they'd take that away and I'd have none.
And this, my friends, is why you don't buy a new car that comes with a following expensive insurance payment when you're struggling in college. *bows* Oh well, my check's going to suck but I'll have enough to pay the insurance and probably rent and then nothing else, but at least I get my tax refund on the 4th and then get paid again. Woot. And then I have to pay my sister back and then I go back to struggling for the next few months. After the month of March, expect lots and lots of stress-related posts.
I swear I don't know why I let myself get talked into these things. X.X
OH and myspace isn't working. Wtf?!