chokethewind: (NPH- And I won't feel)
There are a few things I tell myself everyday but maybe I need to write them down.

I need to either A) Get serious with school or B) stop being depressed about not being serious about school and man up and get serious about it or man up and admit you'll never finish and just get a fucking better job.

This is lamer than lame.  I'm not stupid and I know exactly what I want (or do I?), so why is it so hard to be serious and care?  Maybe I need to take classes more relevant to what I want to do because these gen ed classes don't cut it.  Maybe I need someone to tell me I'm messing up my life.  Maybe I just need to stop being apathetic and questioning myself and stop thinking and just do.

I consider myself a generally happy person with a large tendency to be unhappy almost all the time.  I don't know why that was important, but it feels relevant.
chokethewind: (Lal- Nothing's wrong)
I turned in a horrible essay right now.

Idk why it's bugging me so much.  I'm tempted to fix it in the next day and then re-turn it in.  She won't take it but at least she'll know I'm capable of doing better.  For some reason it's important to me that she knows I'm not the generic idiot the others are. I know I'll get a fine grade anyway but it could have been so much better.



I am very good at catching drumsticks.  Do not get into a pit with me, I will stomp on your face and take yours.  Rawr. 


Nov. 17th, 2008 10:22 am
chokethewind: (Banner- I am corrupt)
I'm sitting in class while my teacher is talking about making annotated bibliographies.

Dear god I feel stupid.


They're actually offering Japanese 101 in the spring, which is like OMGRLY because I was told LOLNO WE NEVER OFFER IT IN THE SPRING HURR TRY SUMMER.  I had to drop out because of getting New Job this semester.  I'm considering taking it again but we change shifts again in February and heaven knows what I'll get.  I'm not so worried about the other classes because they're easy to miss and not too intensive but I can't miss this class and I"ll try to get a shift around that but yea.  Idk.  Up in the air about that, very doubtful the one I want will fill up since they all have an enrollment of 0 at the moment and my class this semester was pretty much empty.

Also up in the air between Arizona history or history of Japanese civilization.  Arizona history is online which I like and it's a teacher requirement... but it's Arizona history and yea.  I don't really need any more history credits either since I've taken a history class (or three...) every semester since freshman year (save this one).  So yea.  Don't really need it.  So.  Nvm.  I've successfully talked myself out of it.  Would be damn cool though.


Oh snapz I heavily dislike this class.  Heavily.
chokethewind: (Sora-Flail)
Instead of finishing this essay I'm fucking around on the school computer reading fanfiction.

And this is why it will take me six years to get a four year degree. *toasts*

I forgot how uncomfortable a healing tattoo can be. D:
chokethewind: (Cloud- You will give me)
This week has been one of the most terrible, awful, fucked up in recent memory but things are sort of starting to straighten out now.

For once in my college career I am happy and excited to be in school. I'm not going just to kill time. I'm going because I have a goal, even if it as insignificant as to not get myself trapped in this soulstealing, blackhole of a town.

I've been quite busy lately and I miss my RP. And omg guys, wtf is this nonsense? Ily, all of you.. ♥


May. 12th, 2008 01:31 am
chokethewind: (MCR-You have)

I don't understand why people have to be so... closeminded, especially when it comes to music.  I hate arrogance.  With a passion.  I understand wanting to defend your type of music... but lording it over someone and calling it superior does not a happy me make.  I don't care if you think the music I like is weird, or emo, or has pretty boys singing about loving one another.  Stop telling me about it.  It's annoying.  Nine Inch Nails is not god.  For the love of christ.  I feel like I just committed blasphemy there.  Bleeeh.  Whatever.

We have to be out by August.  Spiffy.  I have a million and thirteen decisions to make before then.  I'm feeling all out of ends lately.  Friday was bad.  School's over.  And I kicked my final paper's ass for my women's history class.  Kicked it in the ass.  Hello A that was formerly a borderline C.  Welcome to the fold.  :p  

And...I really forget what else I was going to say. :/  It was important.  Oh.  Richard Adams.  You and Watership Down.  We'll see about you soon, mister.

Done done

May. 7th, 2008 03:33 pm
chokethewind: (Riku-I know)
Dear Teacher ,

A final essay spanning five wars does not a 1400 word paper make. I cut as much as I could but you are still getting 200 words over.  DEAL WITH IT.  

Love, me.



May. 7th, 2008 12:15 am
chokethewind: (PTV-I would)
Wtf bank account, stop telling me that you have over a thousand dollars in you.  THEY ARE LIES.

..they better take out the rent like tomorrow.  Or I'm going to actually start thinking I have money for once and try to spend it on stupid shit like clothes.  Let's see, they'll take out 700 for that, which leaves me... about five or six hundred, must do particulars.  Let's go with six hundred because I'm feeling optimistic.  THEN I can pay two car payments for the price of ONE and give them five hundred.  And that leaves me a hundred to feed and gas myself for the next two weeks.

Me ftw, I can totally, totally do that.  Fuck you milk and your obscene prices.  And you too gas.

And fuck you college for not buying back my books.  YOU HATE ME OBVIOUSLY.  I DONT CARE IF YOU'RE OVERSTOCKED GIVE ME MONEY.

.... I'm in a rather okay mood for some reason, and I don't know why.


..i am sorry for the caps abuse flist.

OH and question for those college peeps on my flist if you feel like answering (or even if you're not a college peep): how far along are you into your degree?  Like.. where are you at now?  I'm just flailing about and trying not to feel like a complete loser for sucking so bad at school.  I'm not twenty yet.  I am still young.  A five year degree plan is... passable.  Right?  I fail.



May. 6th, 2008 01:24 am
chokethewind: (Sora-Flail)

I save my inbox totals and today a random number appeared.

Okay well obviously the scribbles didn't appear.

but you get it don't you? 





Apr. 25th, 2008 01:28 am
chokethewind: (Roxas-From the dark)

I hardly slept last night but I got a lot of shit accomplished today.  I played KH2 for the first time in probably a month and I'm back in Hollow Bastion and I talked to Scrooge and he brought up sea salt ice cream.  Somehow I missed this during my first playthrough.  I suck.  And then summarily sniffled about Roxas.

I finished a lot of shit in my two earlier classes and finished my programming unit in my CIS (which means I made a mini-calculator in about an hour while the others sat around and wondered the fuck a bracket was for).  And now I'm sim'ing it up.  I've really no money, am still behind on my car payment, and two hundred and fifty dollars will be abducted from my bank account in four days but today was a good day.  :)

Tomorrow will not be such a good day but oh well.  Next week will be hella busy.  Finals finals finals finals finals.

You slay me.


Mar. 27th, 2008 07:36 am
chokethewind: (Roxas&Axel- Dance)
This is going to be one of those spam days. I'm sorry super short flist!  Ily.

So I'm getting 300 bucks back in May.  Instead of being smart, I want to get another tattoo.  Or at least start on the chestpiece I want.  Or.  Well.  I should wait.  I really really really really should.  But I won't.  This I know.  I need to accept that.  So in the beauty of acceptance, I need to start planning so I can look at the thing for awhile, get my head around it, and make sure the placement is what I want.  I could get the wolf on my other shoulder and bring the total up to five.  I could start on the backpeice (which will wipe me out completely of all that extra money...).  I could get the dragon.  I could get a wrist tat since I want one and have decided that wearing bracelets is something a woman should be adept at anyway so I might as well fucking get used to it.

Now I like words, and I like simple words and I like simple word tattoos.  My sister has one and I adore hers.  So.  Love?  Faith?  Redemption?  Strength?  Courage?  Friendship?  Reliability?  Knowledge?  (I really hope no one knows where the hell I'm pulling all these words from.... oooooh fandom).  I'm leaning toward love.  Or strength.  Or courage.  Something you know, empowering.  Maybe a saying.  A small one, but I'm out of ideas for that.  Idk.  I want a new tattoo.  It's been three months.  Fever. Setting. In.  I guess I could up my ears to a zero.  Maybe that would satiate me. 

I had machiato with three espresso shots.  Where the fuck is my energy? 

I figure I have twenty minutes until I really have to fucking get cracking on this stupid annotated bibliography.  I loathe extended deadlines.  The project isn't due until the beginning of May. WHY do I have to have all my resources now?  Goddamnit teacher, let me flail around the night before like I usually do.  I haven't slept in more than twenty four hours, I have three more classes to slug through, and six hours of work.  This. is. your. fault.  actually it's mine but it's easier to pass blame isn't it?

I have a couple rants I might post later, depending on how sleep deprived I feel and how incoherent I get-- I tend to like to post things when I'm incoherent, because it's hilarious at the time and then I go back and am like... fucking. fuck.  They deal with immigration (always a FUN FILLED TOPIC WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FLOODED STATE OF ARIZONA) and people outside of fandom not understanding.... fandom.  More specifically, fanfiction.  Both arguments will probably be backed up with little evidence and more run on sentences than a James Joyce book but oh well.  ARGUMENTS ARE GOOD FOR THE SOUL.

And I apologize again for the eating up of the flist.  I'm a bad panda.
chokethewind: (Sora-Flail)

: CIS- discussion posts, quiz.  Start Powerpoint (do not want to get up at six in the morning like I did to finish Access.)
:HIS- Quiz.  Annotated bibliography due.  Midnight on Thursday. I am fucked.  Read Filagree. Start Powerpoint.
:EDU- Start extra credit.  Do late assignments (many).  Turn in service learning paperwork.  Start learning plan.  Finish porfolio.  Quiz before leaving Friday.  Start group assignment.  Give a damn about any of this.  Kill teacher.


:Deposit check.  Pay insurance.
:Pay cell phone bill? *wince*  Maybe.
:Library-fine.  Spanish shit.
:Turn in paperwork for summer school- ENG 102 (why the fuck do I have to take this class again?) and CRI -whatever the hell I place into.
:Placement test for CRI.
:Clean before leaving Friday.
:Save the universe. :)

This is here so I can update it and because I lurk on lj more than I lurk anywhere else and if this is here I'll see it.  Hopefully.  XD


Mar. 20th, 2008 01:41 pm
chokethewind: (Sora- I saw it)

I was supposed  to go see my grandparents when they dropped off the kids and I was going to miss my two later classes.  They want to hightail it out of here though so I didn't get to see them. ;__;  I'm all hormonal and emotional right now so it made me feel all awful.  And I'm tired so I just blew off my two later classes.  Which is okay, I've not missed one of those yet.  It's my first class I have trouble getting to.  >.<

So I'm going to lounge and do nothing-- it's like my first day off without work or school or any obligations in awhile, not counting those days during spring break when I was driving around like a maniac trying to squeeze everyone I wanted to see in a three day period.  I'm going to try and put in some applications to a couple of jobs and then later I'm going to go to work and have Lola give me some... of whatever medicine she wants to give me.  It's all... Mexican folklore but we'll see if it works hah. Then I'm going to check out the Whole Foods, since I've never been there and it should be all vegetarian friendly.  

When I used to get stressed, I craved cigarattes.  In the almost two months since I've been on a vegetarian diet, now I crave a hamburger.  Haha.  Hopefully they'll have some of that Morningstar ish since Walmart fails at that.  Epicly.  

SO MY INCREDIBLY SHORT FLIST, any recommendations on vegetarian food?  I could look this up easily, but if anyone reads this then it's always good to have personal recommendations.  ^^

Also probably going to take part in this strike thing going on.  *shrugs*  I don't really get it, but oh well.  Cutting off contact with eljay for a little while is probably a good thing.  Maybe I'll accomplish something.  ^^


Mar. 4th, 2008 08:05 pm
chokethewind: (Sora&Riku- I believe in you)

... and I guess now is the time for me to start watching SNL?  Or at least convince myself that the tv is not only necessary for Kingdom Hearts?  MY PINKIE IS COLD. 

I found that sped up version of Roxas's song they play in Final Mix+.  :__;  It's so sad. 

Annnd now I go do laundry and attempt to do two midterms in two hours.  Huzzah.

three entries in like one day?  I'm sorry flist.


Mar. 4th, 2008 05:20 pm
chokethewind: (Sora- I saw it)


No srsly.  I'm screwed.  Spring break's next week.  Did you know that?  I didn't.


Feb. 28th, 2008 01:10 pm
chokethewind: (Roxas&Axel- Dance)
Why do most of the peeps in the Organization have huge chests?

Steroids.  Most obvious answer.

At the Collesium (I cannot spell today for the fucking life of me...talking will be next to go) in KH.  Fighting Cerebrus (goddamn spelling).  Getting my ass kicked every which way and then some.  Fun times.  And I have fifty three potions and I still have more than 1k munny left.  Wtf?

Missed my first class this morning.  Oh well.  I'm not paying for this shit or anything.  Gaaaah.  At least he's the good teacher who doesn't give a damn about attendance.  Oh and I lost my notebook that had a shitton of my little half-scribbled stories.  And the actual printed out copies of a couple of fics I'm writing (since printing is free and I like sticking it to the man and whatnot).  So someone has my porn.  I hope they enjoy it, motherfuckers, because it also had my fucking notes.  Gaaahx2.


Feb. 27th, 2008 03:17 pm
chokethewind: (Sora&Riku- I believe in you)

 This ed class is waaay too much work for being only three freaking credits.  We have quizzes every week, journal entries every week, a book project due every other week, current events due every week, a school controversy every other week, we have to watch a movie every other week and then turn in a three page typed summary on it the next week we have a massive portfolio, a resume, and a learning plan due by the end of the semester, annnnd do service learning?  And you make me buy a book I never use?

Yes, this is me whining.  Srsly.  This is community college.  Treat me like I'm not smart enough to be with the big players at the university please.  O.O

I'm so sleepy and I haven't eaten all day but oh well, at least I work tonight.  FOOD.


Feb. 25th, 2008 02:40 pm
chokethewind: (Riku- I do it for you)
 I have half an hour before work, KINGDOM HEARTS TIME SQUEE.

i had my first day of service learning and nobody shot me.


Feb. 25th, 2008 02:47 am
chokethewind: (Sora&Riku- I believe in you)

I won a gas card at work!  :D  It's only 25 dollars but that's gas for like a freakin week.  Rock on TB, rock on.  

Where the hell do I find dried apples?  I only find dried apricots or dried freaking anything else, but not dried apples and I have to get the mixed boxes.  It's sad.  I ate a lot today, but it's the first time in awhile that that's happened.  My appetite comes and goes and most of the time it's gone and if it's here all I want is sweet stuff (baaaad).  It's been more than a month that I've been a vegetarian and it's... not so hard now.  Sometimes I want chicken or a nice huge hamburger but eh.  There are other alternatives. :)  Most of the time I think I'm stuffing my face, and then I remember that I haven't eaten all day.  My sleeping/work/school pattern doesn't help because the days I don't work, I don't go to bed til 4 or 5, sleep until 12 or 2, then go straight back to work. Then it's sleep at 4 or 5, wake up at 11, go to school at 12, from 12-5, and then for some reason I'm usually not hungry. O.o  But in any case, I suppose that it's good.  

Annnd tomorrow is my first day with the high school seniors. O.o  Imma take a shower right now so my hair is sprightly and I can fix it up tomorrow.  So I can appear to have some class you know.  Wear my PTV shirt, my MCR jacket, my wristbands, my properly faded jeans, and my hot pink and black Etnies.  Pure class.  That's right!

I'm probably going to be making an icon dump on here sooner or later.  I've got about thirty of them. O.o

Money is stressful and this gas card is helpful.  I'm getting extremely apathetic again.  Which sucks.  I hate not caring but I just.. don't?  Lovely, really.  >.<  In any case, I get to sleep with Axel tonight.  OMGYAY.


Feb. 21st, 2008 03:21 am
chokethewind: (Roxas-Smile)
So some anonymous person replied to a comment I left on some community and and in the email telling me it was all

Somebody at livejournal replied to your comment...

... does anyone else get that?  SOMEBODY?  AS OPPOSED TO NOBODY?


also: I will be service learning through four senior English classes and one freshman lit class this semester at about fifteen hours a week.  That's sixty hours a month.  Sixty x 2 or so months we have left= 120 hrs.  Get rid of the three months for break.  60x5 (aka the rest of the year after summer break)= 350.  Add January and February= 120 more hours.  120+120= 240.  240+350= 590.  590 hours of community service in one year.  Take that Americorps and shove it up your ass and give me your goddamn scholarship AND your weekly pay.  Bitches.  (I don't know why I'm referring to the Americorps as bitches or in faux anger, they're really nice people. XD) 


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